How to ask for help
Asking for help isn’t easy. It took me way too long before I realized that all I had to do was ask for help so that this pain and weight could be lifted off my shoulders. I struggled for silence from when I was in 7th grade til about Freshman year. I remember the first conversation with my parents like it was yesterday. I was so anxious, tense, and worried about what would happen by sharing how I’m feeling. I remember I was clenching a pillow–and of course crying–while trying to ask what is supposed to be such a simple question. For me, this conversation was life changing. It took me so much courage to ask for help because I didn’t want to feel like a burden. But once I let those words free, I remember physically feeling a weight lift off my shoulders because I knew I was no longer in this alone.
“Sometimes asking for help means you are helping yourself - Renuka Pitre”
So if you’re struggling but you don’t know what to say or how to stay it? I get it & I have advice.
One thing I remember before asking for help is that I would keep telling myself that i’d do it the next day, then the next day. If you keep waiting for another day to tell someone about your depression, that day might never come. If you’re feeling hopeless, I have some pointers to help you figure out the best way to ask for help. Keep in mind that It’s perfectly okay to take one small step at a time.
1 – Resist Stigmatizing Yourself
Depression is a problem that has a solution. It is not a mark of failure or a punishment or a weakness. The fact that depression is a psychological disorder can take some of the pressure off your mind and emotions. There are treatments that effectively relieve symptoms and empower you to manage depression over the long term—once you get connected with a knowledgeable source of support. And the depression isn’t your fault because of something you did or because of who you are. You are still you, and depression doesn’t alter your worth or how deserving you are of compassionate care and a better life. Don’t feel like sharing this information is going to make people think differently of you or not want to be around you. This is just an obstacle that you and your loved ones will be able to get through. It will be okay.
2 – Reach Out Where You Feel the Most Comfortable
Some people feel most comfortable talking to close friends or family when they are going through a depressive episode. But some people actually feel more comfortable talking to someone they don’t really know, maybe someone reaching out through instagram DM or talking to a stranger on the other end of a helpline. No way is right or wrong as long as you’re taking the step to ask for help. Also, make sure you are having this conversation with a trusted friend or family member.
3 – Practice Saying That You’re Not Okay
Sometimes it’s hard to accept that you are not okay, and that you need help. This is a very sensitive subject and maybe you’re not ready to get into the details. Maybe you can’t describe exactly what you’re feeling or point to why you’re feeling so down. You don’t have to. It is important, though, to at least admit that you’re not okay, that you’re not yourself. Even just saying something simple like that out loud goes a long way to reversing some of the isolation that actually serves to keep you stuck.
4 – Have Someone Else Call for an Appointment
Does it feel like too big of a step even to pick up the phone and call for treatment help? That’s okay. Break it down and ask someone to help you with this step. Give them your calendar, or just ask them to request the next available appointment. You can even ask them to go with you to the appointment. You don’t know how you’ll feel on that day, and making the plans with someone else will help ensure that you make it there and you feel supported.
5 – Don’t Be Afraid of a Diagnosis
Sometimes people fear the depression or anxiety diagnosis itself. They would rather avoid making it official, avoid the stigma and the heavy weight on their identity. I remember thinking I now had this label on me, but I’ve learned that I am stronger than my mental illness and it doesn’t define me. Depression isn’t something you have to feel shame for. It is not your fault, and that doesn’t change who you are as a person. There are so many treatment methods and resources available.
