Growth.
“The journey is never ending. There’s always gonna be growth, improvement, adversity; you just gotta take it all in and do what’s right, continue to grow, continue to live in the moment.”
I haven’t been very active on the Smile Blog, particularly, because I have really tried to remove myself from social media to be able to grow as a person. During the past few months (May & June), I decided to take a break and focus on my own mental health in the spirit of mental health awareness month. But now I’m ready, proud & excited to share with you all that I’ve learned about myself through therapy, healing, and personal growth.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that being true to yourself is so important in personal growth. Reconnecting with your inner self is crucial in fostering the relationship you have with your mind. This blog is going to be a little all over the place as I try to organize my thoughts & feelings!
So, let’s get into it.
The 10 most important things I have learned thus far (mainly in the past few months)
10. “Breakdown to have a breakthrough.”
From my experience, the only way to internally heal is to control and accept the emotions you have been feeling. Sometimes you have to start from square one to really be able to make progress and change. When I was feeling very low, my doctor told this to me while we were having a meaningful conversation and it really resonated with me. Sometimes you need a wake up call and you need to reflect on the negative emotions, even if they feel uncomfortable. You have to break everything down that you know to be true in order to eventually find the silver lining and valuable lesson from the experience.
9. The more you like yourself, the less you’ll need others to.
I actually was listening to a podcast, and I heard this phrase. I was kinda mind blown. I don’t know why but I’ve never thought about life this way. Recently, I have been trying to connect with the parts of myself that I like and am grateful for. I’m trying to build my self-esteem. Learning to be confident is not easy and never has been for me. I always really cared about what people thought of me to the point where I didn’t do certain things, or show up to certain places. I was always anxious and nervous and felt like everyone was judging me.
I also always wanted people to like me. And, I read something on my instagram feed that said: “Why do we focus so much of our energy trying to make others like us? If you think about it, do you even like everyone yourself?” I thought that was just something to think about. You don’t have to impress anyone. Focus on loving yourself and developing that valuable relationship with your body.
***Another thing that I have realized is that everyone individually is thinking about differently things. You can’t mind-read, and trying to mind-read is only going to make you more anxious.
8. The only true mistake is the one you don’t learn from.
Making mistakes is part of life; But, it’s what you learn from that mistake that truly changes your life. Failure is inevitable. All humans make mistakes. We know that.
I made a mistake that had grave impacts on my life, but I didn’t let this mistake take over me. I took control of myself and my life and decided to use this mistake into an important and valuable life lesson. I learned new habits, I worked on myself and on the parts of me that I didn’t necessarily love. We all have flaws. I don’t believe that someone could go through like without messing up. It happens. But the choice is: do you dwell on that mistake & never change, or do you open your eyes and decide to take back your life and your power.
I am grateful to have had the chance to work on myself and really feel secure in my being and with my own feelings.
7. I am capable of handling it, and so are YOU.
Things I once thought I could never get through, I have got through. Something that helps me when I’m having a bad day or in emotion mind, I try and remember that this day is only 24 hours. You just have to get through this 24 hours, and then you are onto the next. Life continues to move on and you have to remember to tell yourself that you will be able to get through these next few moments. Stop underestimating yourself. You will find that you are much stronger than you think, if you just believe that you can do it.
6. Self-Care is ESSENTIAL.
You just need to take care of yourself. I always get stuck in this rut of thinking about knowing what I could be doing to make myself feel better but not having enough energy or motivation to do it. Little things like putting lotion on your body, going to make yourself lemon water, making your bed, washing your face and doing an entire skin-care routine, cleaning your room, taking 5 minutes to check in on a friend, waking up a few extra minutes early to stretch and mediate for 2 minutes, going for a quick walk around the block, etc.
It’s important to understand that practicing self-care means taking care of your mental health in addition to your physical health. Taking care of your mental well-being may not always appear as cut and dry as attending to the physical needs of food, hydration, and hygiene. Sometimes practicing self-care for your emotional and mental wellbeing might mean making decisions that are not always easy, especially if you are a caregiver, parent, or guardian that is responsible for others.
In addition, self-care does not always have to be some grand action or activity. Sometimes self-care can be as simple as taking a few minutes to practice breathing exercises during times of stress. Sometimes self-care is scheduling ‘me’ time – times of solitude to reflect on your day and how you are feeling.
Self-care encourages self-improvement. It promotes rest and relaxation, which benefits our overall health and wellness, and it also promotes healthy relationships. When our self-esteem and self-awareness improves, it has a positive effect on our overall mindset
You have to love yourself and take care of yourself before you can truly allow yourself to reach your full potential. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself. So take care of yourself.
5. Protecting and staying true to your values is vital.
This is a BIG one for me. I definitely think I lost touch of certain values in my life before my “breakdown” occurred. I reconnected with certain aspects of my life that I sort of became distant from and didn’t really hold onto. When you are constantly surrounded by other people, or don’t take the time to acknowledge and stay true to your values, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are as your own person and what your priorities are. I am grateful to have had the chance to reconnect with some very important values; Spending time with people who make me happy, listening to music, painting & being creative, spending time with others outside my immediate circle, taking that extra alone time, etc. I was always go go go and didn’t really take time to remember who I was and what I care about.
4. Go with the flow & be present.
The more you set certain expectations, the more likely you will be let down. Same goes for when you are trying to predict the future, or control what’s going to happen next, or try unconditionally to make something happen. You can’t predict or control anything that other people are going to say, do, think, etc. Be present. When you are in the present moment you are really able to connect with others and appreciate the little things. Mindfulness is life changing.
I used to always want to have a set plan or way of doing things, but sometimes you gotta just go with the flow and believe that things will work out. If you try and control everything little thing, you are going to be upset and fixated when it doesn’t come to fruition.
3. There is no growth or change in life without radical acceptance.
I talked all about this in another blog, but I really think it deserves to make another appearance and to be on this list.
This is a totally new concept for me. I started DBT therapy in April and a major part of this type of therapy is acceptance. Acceptance of current situations, emotions, feelings, even if they are uncomfortable or upsetting.
“Radical acceptance is when you stop fighting reality, stop responding with impulsive or destructive behaviors when things aren't going the way you want them to, and let go of bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering.”
Radical acceptance does not mean you are agreeing to a situation or action. It means you are acknowledging that the event happened and is real. You are accepting the uncertainty and uncomfortableness of your present situation. Acceptance means not fighting reality.
The key to radical acceptance is that you must accept yourself and your life for what they are - not for what you want them to be. This was a very hard concept for me to learn because I do have a tendency to like knowing and being in control of my future. However; we can’t predict anything in life. But, what I learned that what we can do is realize and acknowledge what you can and cannot control. You have to be patient with yourself–this skill really takes time to process.
2. Emotion Mind & Wise Mind–You are more than your thoughts & strong emotions.
Notice thoughts & emotions. Be mindful of them. Notice when you start to spiral Don’t judge them, but know that it’s not you talking.
Emotions are ALWAYS changing. They come and go; They rarely stay the same.
Emotion Mind and Wise Mind are two concepts that I have recently become very familiar with. Emotion mind is a state of mind characterized by your emotions guiding how you think, feel, and behave. Wise mind is basically the opposite: Wise mind is the meeting of emotion mind and reasonable mind. It's being able to see the value in both reason and emotion and choosing the middle path. In DBT therapy, when we access our inner wisdom, we say we are in Wise Mind.
SO basically, we are constantly shifting between these two frames of mind.
This concept has showed me how to recognize where my emotions are at in my brain. What am I feeling, and why? Am I thinking about things more negatively & emotionally? Then I’m in emotion mind. Am I thinking about things peacefully, rationally & with acceptance? Then I’m in wise mind.
This has been key in balancing my emotions. It’s important to never made decisions or act on an emotion while in emotion mind because often this is a heightened emotion than what you are actually feeling. Before I was able to observe my thoughts and emotions, I was immersed in them; They consumed me and felt overwhelming in my head. But, once I started to observe my thoughts & emotions, they seemed more controlled and flowed through my head instead of taking up space.
It’s so so important to notice that when you start to get sad, this isn’t how you truly feel. This is your emotion mind dwelling on the event, instead of thinking about it rationally..
1. It will be okay.
Even times when I really didn’t believe this, it definitely deserves a mention on here. You have to believe that everything is going to be okay. Even if you don’t know how to fix the solution, what you should do next, or what to do with yourself, always remember that at some point in the near future, it will get better & it will be okay. You have to believe that some day life won’t be the way it currently is.
The happiest point in life, I think, is when you are not only surviving, but you are thriving.
“Grow through what you go through. ”
