Finding gratitude in goodbyes
Why does life have to be full of so many goodbyes and changes? I find myself thinking about this quite often, but I sat there pondering this question in my empty apartment after my roommates had left during finals week as the semester came to a close. I looked around at all the empty walls and at the rooms and thought of all the funny and unforgettable memories we had in our home. I thought to myself, how are we done with yet another year of college and nearing our last year, and how are my best friends graduating?
One of the most empowering things I have learned is that change is the only constant in life. We are constantly facing, dealing with, and experiencing change. Yet despite its inevitability, saying goodbye to something familiar can be one of the most challenging experiences we face, both in terms of the physical changes as well as the emotional and psychological ones.
As an incoming senior in college… I can’t believe I’m even writing that… I feel like I have gotten pretty good at goodbyes and packing up my life, yet each year, it almost seems to be more emotional. Maybe it’s the subconscious fact that I know I only have so many goodbyes and packing up my room to go back to college, and then back home again left to experience.
I always get so emotional at this time of the year, especially since I know what change is going to happen in May. Just when I feel comfortable back at school in a new semester, with a new routine, home in a new apartment, and close to my friends, I feel torn away from it. Change is an emotional rollercoaster. From feeling numb and ignorant to the impending anxiety of taking down all the posters I hung up on my wall and the trinkets I set out for decoration, to my brain understanding and realizing what’s actually happening–we’re leaving.
It almost feels like there’s a pit in my stomach, full of sadness and anxiety but also gratitude and fortune. Even though I get better at goodbyes each year, it doesn’t make them any easier. If anything, it makes it harder as we bear toward the end of goodbyes and the start of our real lives. Each time I pack up my dorm room or apartment, I know I close a chapter in my story, and should be excited for all to come. And don’t get me wrong, I am, but there’s only so many times I’ll “pack up my room to leave for school,” decorate a new space with my best friends and make it a home, and then at the end of all of those precious invaluable memories, “pack up my room” for the last time.
I have learned to cultivate deep gratitude for all the experiences and memories I have made throughout each year and each semester, and it really makes me think about how lucky I am to even have had these experiences in the first place. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by people who make it so hard to leave and say goodbye. Goodbyes are never easy, but thinking about the people that Wake has brought me brings me comfort in saying goodbye because I know it’s not a goodbye but a see you later.
The friends and people I have met at college will forever hold a special place in my heart. The people who pulled me out of a really dark spot in my life and showed me how beautiful life can be and how incredible and empowering true friendships can be. I feel lucky that saying goodbye to these people is so hard and is going to be so hard when I graduate because that just shows how much of an impact these people and this place have had on my life and in shaping who I am today.
Sometimes, I just wish I could pause time and stay right where I am with the people I’m with at the place I’m at forever. But that’s the thing about life–you can’t pause time or go back; all you can do is hold on to the beautiful opportunities of the future.
Goodbyes are bittersweet. I feel like I have changed and grown so much as a person through the different changes in my life. I think about how different I am each year and embrace that stage in my life because it was necessary to get to where I am now. Every year holds a different place in my heart and has a different purpose, and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful for what each new year will bring me, even if that means closing on another one.
With all the sadness I feel during times of change, I feel so grateful to be connected to such remarkable people and such a remarkable place.
Sometimes, it doesn’t seem fair that we have to pack up everything and start over each year and constantly go back and forth between school life and home life. But, through all the change and emotions, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am grateful I have such beautiful people, places, and things in my life to say goodbye to and hold onto forever. I am so excited for my final year in college, and want to stay present and hold onto it as long as I can.
Goodbyes are scary, but one thing I have learned to do that has helped me cope with it is cultivating gratitude.
Whatever it is in your life that you are saying goodbye to, whether that’s a person, place, or thing, or all of the above, think about how grateful you are to have had something so significant to you and impactful in your life that caused these deep and profound emotions in the first place. It’s bittersweet, but finding gratitude in sadness and change is one of the best ways to ground yourself and cope with saying goodbye.
